I recently had the opportunity to engage in an interesting discussion with some fellow Nigerians on a range of subjects. You know, the usual suspects - who stole money, who owns the fancy house we all recently saw pictures of and of course (my personal favorite topic) - is Yar'Adua doing a good job. Anyway, we eventually began discussing polygamy. Our once casual conversation, soon became extremely loud and combative. I am now of the opinion that polygamy, like religion and politics, should only be discussed if you do not mind developing high blood pressure.
A few of us present felt that the practice should be banned. Others argued that it is a practice that has worked for centuries and should not be messed with. Besides, one person argued, it doesn't hurt anybody and it is legal in Nigeria.
This conversation got me thinking. Is polygamy constitutionally legal in Nigeria? Also, does the practice truly "not hurt anybody"? It also spurred me to later have a conversation with Ekene Agabu , a young Nigerian who is a motivational speaker doing a lot of good work around the United States. Our conversation also highlights the hopeful beginnings of Nigerian Curiosity TV (http://nigeriancuriosity.blip.tv/) - but we'll get into that later.
So, is polygamy sanctioned by the Nigerian Constitution? I did a Google search and everywhere I went, authors specifically stated that polygamy is legal under Nigeria's Constitution. Since I typically never trust anything until I have seen it with my own eyes, I took a look at the Constitution. I can unequivocally say that I did not come across the term 'Polygamy' in the Constitution. In fact, marriage was mainly referred to in the context of Sharia Law. Now, I know that many Nigerian men marry more than one wife (and can even maintain a few mistresses all at once) and I have never had the impression that such is illegal. So, I will simply associate this general belief that polygamy is legal to the fact that polygamy is a cultural/religious practice. Maybe that is why the Constitution failed to address it. Or, maybe it was ignored the same way tribes were not registered during the last national census.
As to polygamy not hurting anybody, I beg to differ. I come from a polygamous family and I can speak to the dysfunction that polygamy generates. Some fractured families exist in constant strife with mothers jockeying and fighting for attention, status, property and respect. I am sure that there are some polygamous families that manage to avoid the negative impact of polygamy but I challenge anyone to prove to me that those families were free of dysfunction. It just is not possible!
I personally feel that polygamy should be illegal. Of course, I understand that Islam allows men to marry more than one wife. But, Islam does not require polygamy. After all, good old Yardy is a Muslim and as far as i can tell he is married to one woman. As for Christians, well that is a whole other issue. African Christians have found incredible ways to modify their religion to match their cultural needs. I understand that some men in the Bible's Old Testament had more than one wife and several concubines (a la King Solomon), but again, polygamy is just not a requirement.
Polygamy is sexist, contributes to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and is simply a tool for some people to feel better about themselves by 'owning' women. It is simply arcane and we as a people need to look this matter in the eye. Nigeria must address certain cultural norms and eradicate them in order to achieve a nation we all can be proud of. In the past, I have discussed my dissatisfaction with culturally accepted practices such as the antiquated Osu caste system, destructive skin bleaching and potentially dangerous fattening rooms. Another such norm that should be up for national debate and review is Polygamy.
To the female readers, would you be willing to be in a polygamous relationship? To the male readers, do you aspire to have a polygamous marriage? I will not even delve into the issue of open relationships (married or otherwise). That just gets too complex. Why would you avoid or participate in polygamy? I am simply curious.
Anyway, please enjoy this clip of Ekene Agabu answering a few of my questions on polygamy. Please pay close attention to his suggestions. They are worth a good listen. (Forgive the video and sound quality. I am new to this).
POLYGAMY AND THE STATE OF THE NIGERIAN UNION
Monday, December 3, 2007
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72 Curiosities. Add Yours.:
I was about to write a whole post in the comment section! :)
I will probably do an answer-post to this as I have a lot to say about the subject...
By all means, this is a great post.
CONGRATULATIONS on launching NCTV! I love it! I get to listen to another perspective while reading the post, yay for technology (and those who embrace it ;))
As for my views on polygamy, i think making it illegal in a "Christian" nation such as the U.S./Britain makes sense, but get the matter gets more complicated in a "secular" nation like ours where it's part and parcel (not mandatory but not frowned upon either) of a religion practiced by half the population. I wouldn't wish the drama of it on my enemy, but if people wish to go into it with eyes wide open (same with abortion or incest, or what have you (it's after 2a.m, the brain is regressing at the moment)), then i wish them the best.
once again, CONGRATS on NCTV!
Well Oprah had a show on polygamy and the peolpe involved claimed it hurts no one, and they are happy. it was all so surreal to me.
Well said , Misan...I totally agree with you.
On polygamy and Nigerian constituition, the little I recall from my law courses is that the constituition was used to argue the case that their is no bastard in Nigeria as classifying children born out of wedlock as such will constitute discrimination on grounds of birth.
Also, our body of law recognises marriage under native customs and practises (which is not the same as sharia) which also legitimizes polygamy.
On the issue of whether polygamy hurts or not, I have no answers, only one question.
Does polygamy hurt more or less that divorce or/and marital infidelity?
I started to write a comment and it got too long and I'll do like one of the other commenters and do a reply on my blog...see if we can get some traction on this...it is actually a topic that is close to my heart. Just popped in to say Congrats on NCTV...I think that you are a pioneer right there - first Blog to TV that I've heard of anyway.
'Does polygamy hurt more or less that divorce or/and marital infidelity?'
...and a great question indeed...should we then also make marital or general infidelity illegal as well?..look at all the problems it causes!!...
...i wonder if this would still be an issue if women could also take on many husbands...(maybe because of stds)...i absolutely would NOT enter into such a relationship...i don't like sharing my men;)...man, whatever...
...as women gain more status and education, i don't even know if we would need to discuss banning polygamy, as i assume that most women would not opt for it...my biggest issue with it is the degree to which the women 'willingly/voluntarily' comply...sorry this is so random...polygamy throws me for a loop...
we all agree that polygamy can be really messy, but i have one or two friends who swear that the relationship between co-wives can be at best cordial.
personally i feel like as long as these relationships are begun by consenting adults....
and i came across a matriarchal society on tv where the woman could have as many husbands as she wanted.
ps
how have u been? thanks for ur messages.
Hmmm, polygamy. I am all for having people do as they want but there are some SERIOUS issues I have with polygamy especially in regards to the devaluation of girls. Although none of my parents or their parents have engaged in polygamy I have witnessed it in other families or its attempt. I agree with Agabu that it creates a situation in which it seems like a man is equal to more than one woman. And I hate that, especially in cases in which men have decided to take on another wife because their current wife is barren or was not able to deliver male children. I get so angry in such cases because it hurts when I see young girls see themselves as lower than boys because their fathers have decided that their own life is worthless compared to that of their brothers. I hurt for young women who feel that way. Hey but if there are women who prefer that arrangement, as someone attested to earlier, that is their own. In regards to polygamy being similar to divorce - I think they are the same. It is only a matter of whether you marry women simultaneously (polygamy) or serially (divorce, re-marriage, repeat). It still has similar effects on women and children. (Yes, divorce is justified in cases of abuse or infidelity and it is sad that for some people it has to come to that...my sympathies...though I encourage these people to become stronger and press forward.
I don't believe in polygamy and I don't think that it should be legal anywhere. And I don't believe that it doesn't hurt anybody, some of the women must surely hurt.
hey u,
its indeed a sensitive issue u ve here, polygamy is one issue people take for granted. sure it won't be found anywhere in the constitution as its a religious and traditional issue, islam agrees to polygamy, christianity says no to polygamy, but should polygamy itself be encouraged? my reply to is is NO. wat can i say about those that frowns at polygamy itself, i dont even know as many of them find alternative to polygamy which is infelity. those that encourages polygamy are simple insatiable as they go on and on and even end up concubines. well some great men in the bible had concubines and some literally had more than one wives but how do one go about judging these ones? did the bible not say thou shall not judge ? so i think this should be made an individual thing, u know, if u are comfortable with it u go into it and if u are not? u blank it.
nice one buddie!
sori, lots of mistakes up there.
infidelity**
those that encourages polygamy are simply insatiable an go on and on and even end up wit concubines**
hope this betta now
Peoples seems to have narrowed their perspective about the issue of polygamy...By memorizing just the disadvantages of it....People seems to have forgotten that in life,everything has its own price,people that practices polygamy knows the price they are paying for it and so do people who are not into it....In my own opinion, I think no one should have the audacity to call for the cancellation of this great practice...Because polygamy was practiced succesfully when we were no where to be found,people are still practicing it now that we are in existence,believe me, people will still practice it after our demise....So polygamy is beyond what anyone that feels like writting will just write about and anyone that feels like commenting will start commenting on what he/she knows nothing about....This will make me quote a famous American astrology Philip Kilbride on the issue of polygamy in his provocative book.
"Plural Marriage for our Time"....as follows:
Polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.
I agree with Azuri on this one,corrupt and killer practices in nigeria should be abolished but I dont see polygamy as destructive particularly if all parties are adults.It's a choice, and some people are having a good time living together as man and several wives.who are we to spoil their chances of happiness.
I think though that bigamy/polygamy is a crime in Nigeriaooo, punishable with 5years inprisonment, at least that's what they told me during my court wedding.But how many people go to court?
hmmmmmmmmm.......
I can see both sides of the polygamy debates...so won't say anything YET..I have already gotten high blood pressure from another argument...LOL!!
Hmmm i think you are doing a great job.
Polygamy should be surely discouraged.The world and especially Africa is so demanding that families just cannot afford to cater for more...
We should lay that case to rest forever....
I think our womenfolk have a role to play in this regard, as long as our women feel that their raison d'être is just to get married and produce kids, then its unlikely this practice will die out anytime soon.
Not that I'm blaming women, our so called "traditional values" places a lot of emphasis on women getting married, a married woman is also respected, while a single woman (especially if she is over 30) is seen as a failure.
With such pressures it's not surprising that most women will do anything to get married, and many are prepared to be wife number 2, 3 or 4 : )
I'd rather stay single,a polygamous home is a home on fire,according to a common saying, one woman, one trouble.It's unfortunate that some young educated guys are still involved in this practice,some on the pretense that their wife cannot conceive go out to impregnate another,thereby having two wives at their young age.one uncle of mine, a bank manager has three women to his name and he is ever shuttling between their apartments bcos the first wife refused to live under the same room with the others.I don't visit him ever bcos everytime i see him and the wives i feel disgusted, they are all educated even to a master degree and the all well employed.
Polygamy should not be legalised, even some muslims run at the mention of Polygamy. The children from polygamous home always have tales of woes to tell,never heard nor seen any product of such home with a good story to tell. For me, it's good riddance to bad practice.
I am surprised to learn here that polygamy is not mentioned in our constitution. We do really assume a lot but to what purpose?
Ijebuman makes a good point.
Personally, I do not see any fun or advantage in the practice, however, if the women are not being forced or coerced, cannot see any issue in it.
hey gurl, ure doing a great job. on the issue of polygamy, there is much to be said but it is such a controversial issue that lotta times the people from both school of thoughts might nevre get to reach an agreement. i for one think it is absolutely wrong and demeaning to teh women who agree to such preposterious venture. like ekene said, it is so destructive, both on the parents and children at large. i have an uncle who is going to loose a leg cos his step mother taught he was a threat to her and her kids cos his dad loved him too much and diabolically poisoned him. he has had some sore on his foot for over 16 years. he has been treated by many doctors, foreign and indigenous. he is deaf from the ototoxic effects of teh antibiotic he was on.......come look around u, u would find many more people who have very horrific stories from teh past directly linked to their family status. I t wasnt theri choice to be born into such families but thats where they found themselves. so personally, i think ther should be a total overhaul of teh marital system and people be give the right to live without the destructiveness of fighting and bickering over the most important things in life; love and attention(maslows hierachy of needs).
@ everyone: Thank you for taking the time to read this post and thanks also, to those of you who took the time to not just think about the issues raised but engage in a discussion. I will try to address as many questions raised as possible.
@ Kiibaati: You pose a poignant question. In response, I must state, that it does not make a difference. None of those options - polygamy, divorce or infidelity is acceptable to me. Of course, I must acquiesce to the fact that adults should be able to freely enter into the relationships they choose, but I will address that topic in response to another commenter's points.
I do not encourage divorce, but I do believe that if handled properly, divorce can actually result in happy parents and relatively happy children. As to marital infidelity - well, this is why in the post I stayed away from discussing "open relationships". Some partners allow each other to 'stray' and apparently this helps their relationships. If both partners are aware that one will stray then that is their issue. I, however, do not believe in one partner leading a double life while the other exists in oblivion.
Anyway, as usual, Kiibaati, you have forced us all to think a little harder about the issues. I enjoy the challenge and thank you for it.
@guerreiranigerriana: Ah, you focused on the sexism issue - of course Nigerian men (as a whole) would not sit and watch their women have multiple partners, talk less of husbands. That was a recent discussion at African Loft. I stayed away from that one, though.
Listen, the recent Nigerian census unequivocally registered more male Nigerians than females. What does that potentially mean? That there are more men than women and eventually, we might have a situation (as is the case in China) where men cannot find partners and women become much more selective about their potential mates. Anyway, we shall have to wait and see how all these factors pan out. But, while we wait, I remain anti-polygamy.
@ ms. emotions: many commenters have pointed out that adults are free to partake in the relationships they choose. I can agree with that, to a certain extent. However, when I consider the fractured nature of many polygamous homes, the effect on the children - especially girls, I pause to give full support to allowing people to choose to enter such relationships.
Nevertheless, I like your use of the word "encourage". Discouraging polygamy is definitely a more practical approach to this issue and can possibly provide an adequate compromise for those of us who have strong feelings about the practice (regardless of what side one is on). Thank you for providing such a realistic approach to the issue. Because we all know that some people will practice polygamy in some form or the other - whether they marry second wives or simply maintain mistresses.
@ azuri: Welcome! Sit down, have a drink and tell us what the positive aspects of polygamy are. You note that polygamy was practiced "successfully" but you do not share from what perspective you make that assertion. Polygamy of course might have been successful as a means to take care of women who lost their husbands and source of support. Assuming you are referring to this practice, I wonder if that remains a valid reason today. And if it does, then we as a society must find a way to make all Nigerian citizens relatively independent through education and viable opportunities for sustainable self-support.
You also seem to suggest that those of us "writing" and "commenting" do so from an ignorant stance. Again, I repeat - I COME FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY - so I think I can speak freely about my thoughts on this practice. As to those commenting, I like to hear thoughts from people regardless of their personal relationship to certain matters. Their perspective usually helps me look at issues differently, thus broadening my opinion. I hope that you do not disagree with that approach.
I know that my stance might not please everyone, but my post is not meant to attack anyone. My goal is to discuss this issue with others in a safe and relatively anonymous space, and expand my knowledge. Thank you for sharing the info from Philip Kilbride. I wonder if some of his suggestions would equate well in Nigeria where polygamy is systemic and in my opinion women are second class citizens with less rights and opportunities than men.
Nevertheless, I do appreciate you taking the time to engage in the discussion. Feel free to share some more knowledge with us on this or anyother issue.
@ for the love of me: Thanks for joining the discussion. You, and others are right (in a way). Adults may enter in polygamous relationships. But, I turn our attentions to the hidden effects of this practice on girls particularly. Entrenching the idea that one man equates to more than one woman (as Ekene Agabu eloquently stated in the clip) is troubling for me because it suggests that women are less than human (assuming the standard is male). Is that what you want for your female relatives? Besides, children do not choose to come into polygamous relationships, do they? I ownder if they would if they could choose....
Anyway, thanks for pushing the conversation forward.
dont believe in it at all.
if you as a man want to be greedy, i am out of there....Lol!
Nice post
Why do we belabor this point? Some of the best people you know are from polygamous homes or are practicing polygamists themselves?
We both know women with degrees and PhDs, Justices of our Supreme Court etc who are second or third wives (or more).
How can we judge them when most of us with our singular spouses (spice?) are very unhappy in our marriages?
We can go on and on to argue for and against polygamy but for every point against polygamy, same applies for monogamy as we know it.
Just as there are bad polygamists, so are there bad monogamists.
Its not the system, its the person (people) in it.
Now let me go watch TV.
Nimmo
am forced to do a rejoinder here.
@azuri, u seem to be of the opinion that the +s of polygamy are greater than its -s? how so? i stand to be corrected, the disadvantages of polygamy is more than its advantages.polygamy should not be encouraged, women should only be allowed to go into it when they are made to understand wat is involved.
cheers
Interesting.... but i beg to disagree with "Polygamy is sexist, contributes to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases..." Pray tell me how?
The same reason i totally disagree with adverts proclaiming the use of condoms to prevent hiv. This is so wrong & the reason (i pressume) why it seems difficult to unravel the virus. Thots such as these gives the impression that those with the virus are simply promiscous. Oh! how unfair.
HIV is transmitted through blood.... (even if majority of people living with it, contacted it through sex) for the sake of those who contacted it not through sex, i advocate the disuse of these views.
Polygamy, not for it; but, i'm not out to right (or wrong) it.
A very interesting subject.
Rethots
Have you asked the question; where does the idea of polygamy come from? Why polygamy? Then also; does polygamy cause women to be treated unfairly or is polygamy the result of a system that looks down on women? So do you think legislation is thesolution to the answers you just came up with. The example you gave above is called the fallacy of round tripping. I will be back to explain. Polygamy is legal in Nigeria that is why is not mentioned int he constituion. It was not ignored, there was no reason to mention it. Personally I think monogamy is the best for the current state of affairs in the world. But polygamy served a purpose, it had a function, and in some cases still does.
if a woman chooses to marry a married man then who are are (we)to condemn it. as some have said there are advantages and disadvantages. so its left for people to choose what they want and justify it with whatever they want. good post solo.
@ NIMMO: Thanks for stopping by. I addressed a comment similar to yours already, but will take a stab at it again - NOBODY IS JUDGING ANYONE. I have acknowledged that, for me, it is now a matter of discouraging the practice. Those that disagree with this approach are free to practice polygamy, after all it is a legal practice in Nigeria.
Anyway, I hope you got to watch something good on tv. All my favorite shows are in repeats...
@ Rethots: Thank you for sending this message to me. I must however st
@Rethots...just wanted to let you know that it is indeed possible for polygamy to spread STDs and I'll explain how. Imagine a man has 4 wives and all but one is faithful to him...Wife #(take your pick) decides to play around a bit for reasons best known to her (in secret of course) and she comes back to her husband who performs his duties as a husband to her and the other wives. Meanwhile his randy missus has picked up an STD or worse from her dalliance(s) gives it to her husband who gives it to the other wives. You have 6 people who have the same STD or worse...I deliberately used a scenario where the wife is the one who seeks for extra favors outside of the home lest someone call me sexist ... but it could happen either way. And while we are on the subject...just wanted to point out to you that recent studies have illustrated that a high percentage of the women in Africa south of the Sahara who are HIV-positive (1) contracted the virus via sexual intercourse (2) have only ever had one sexual partner in their lifetime...I know it may sound like I am going off on a tangent here but if you put it all in context it somehow all fits into a larger picture
okay let me show you first
Now I read the comments;
1. People chose to be polygamous for a reason, survival instincts, do you think it is a coincidence that apes are polygamous?
The population question;
In Africa's closed village settings; How did men manage to have 3 or 4 wives and there were still enough women to go round?
Two possibilities; there were absolutely more women than men or there was high rate of divorce.
First was true and guess what big shocker here the second was true too. Go check your oral history; men died faster and sooner than women, also women moved from one family house to the other. The author is my person but this entry was written by a bell curve sociologist misguided by sentiments.
bola wrote "The children from polygamous home always have tales of woes to tell,never heard nor seen any product of such home with a good story to tell. For me, it's good riddance to bad practice."
very very wrong conclusion, i think you are also assuming people that are involved in polygamy live under the same roof, there are many children from the 'ideal' marriage that still have bad stories to tell not to talk about single parents..these issues are too complicated
the women going into these relationship are usually adults even highly educated like nimmo said, never heard nor seen a woman forced to marry an already married man.
Nah! Polygamy is a huge NO! NO! for me...I can see no other side of it...I was bred with my relatives, a lotta extended family members lived with me through my childhood and it was not easy witha all the competition and all the nonsense and all for what?? Everyone wanted to be the daddy's girl...
If it were to be different wives with all of us, I wonder how it would have been...I am so against polygamy..humans are jealous and possessive by nature and we dont need unecessary competition to bring out the animals in us!
interesting topic, u said it all in ur post. Polygamy is allowed in certain religions and cultures, but it is not a requirement. where i think it gets tricky is where a woman has to get involved in one unwillingly, be it cos of religious or cultural pressures. It is a tradition of the past though, but phasing it out is practically impossible. Nigeria is a country deeplly embedded in tradition. The potential uproar of people who would see the government as taking sides would be too risky for the nigerian government to take.
1. In today's world, (I don't care what Solomon and David did in their time...I was not there), I see polygamy as a practice of the lazy and greedy. You are bored in your relationship; instead of working to spice it up, you go looking for another one. Women who agree to be number two and above are lazy as well. They claim all sorts of reasons: they are growing old, they have been disappointed many times, he said his first wife is Shrek's incarnate, the woman is frigid, the woman is a man because she is not a rabbit a.k.a breeding machine; whatever they can convince themselves is the reason.
2. It demeans women. There is nothing more demoralising to a woman to know that she is dispensable and not valued.
3. It still happens because Nigerian women are still not deciding what their liberation and empowerment means. If I put up a post saying that my husband is cheating on me, I have three kids, I feel hurt, confused and betrayed and I don't know whether to leave or stay and share this man with another woman. I will bet 60% of the commenters will ADVISE me to bear it and MAKE MY MARRIAGE work.
4. The government cannot abolish it because it will mean infidelity is a huge crime, not punishable by law but condemnable. Imagine all the aristos that will be out of companions or useless women without "keepers"
5. Polygamy facilitates the spread of disease. Let's not even imagine that someone is straying from the pack. Let's just say the man is really nasty and does not wash his arse well. he sticks his member in pots one to five. Somebody is coming down with something that will need antibiotics to cure.
6. Polygamy is unacceptable because it devalues the relationship between man and woman. It is sexist because if it weren't then we should have polyandry and we will not be having this conversation.
Without opening another can of worms, but isn't being married to one wife/man challenging enough at times? :-)
polygamy was successfully practiced world wide mainly for agricultural reasons. some other reasons were, to increase the chance of a surviving heir, economic and some others mentioned by other commentors.
my view
while not an advocate or supporter of polygamy, i strongly resent the hypocrisy of the west against polygamy.
at a lavish graduation party of three children of a prominent yoruba king last year seated with some oyinbo and caribean friends who had a field day expressing their shock and disgust about the acceptance of the practice, the kicker was the presence of another yoruba monach with his three radiantly happy oloris wearing the same attire(one of them happens to be a friend of my mom)
anywhos,i held my tongue for as long as i could, but they were relentless!
u see there's a reason for my madness, here's a woman(the caribean) who's "baby father" is also baby father to two other women(that we know of)and from the looks of it, is still getting benefits from his baby mamas,the oyinbo girl is thrice divorced and now shacking with another dude, the other even tho he's male and married has never said anything positive about his marriage or his wife (he sees nothing wrong in being a"john")
so, i asked each one of them how what they are practicing is different from polygamy? or how it's better?
my african american friends had long ago accepted that the baby mama and baby daddy lifestyle rampant within their community is indeed a form of polygamy.
my point?
(i do have one)
i agree that ,the practice is outdated and no longer relevant for today, however, we need to understand that it served a purpose and is a foundation for today's monogamous marriages.
from my conversations with two women i have the utmost respect for who are in polygamous marriages, i gathered, that being strong, career driven and opinionated are detrimental to a naija woman's chance of finding a husband, because society dictates that men are superior and thereby need to have a woman that can reinforce this(that defies logic no be small! i would expect they would feel manly sparing with a bright and articulate mind)
afer marrying their "ideal woman" and not finding the companionship/furfilment/challenge that they crave, resort to playing around or polygamy to satisfy the crave.
one of the women insists it's a way for women to have their cake and eat it too.(not sure i subscibe) but i can plainly see that she's independent and in control of her life and she's trully happy even tho it's with a quarter of a husband (my opinion) maybe that's all that's needed.
the bottomline is we should appreciate and embrace our heritage and let it evolve to meet the needs of the present rather than accept the west's definition as the ideal (please! u don't want me going there!)
nb:since this has turned into a loooong post i will simply put it upon my blog..
It is perhaps that no matter how polygamy is justified, it just doesn't seem to offer anything other than hurts, betrayal, infidelity, etc. I personally don't believe and agree to it.
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